stuck in a moment

I am not fat.

There I said it. I do not think that I am fat. and why is that such a big deal? It seems like I’m surrounded by people who think that they are fat. They talk about it all the time. They say things like “I ate 3 hershey kisses today, ugh I am SO fat!” meanwhile I am stuffing down my umpteenth Dorito and sipping at a Cherry Coke (not diet).

What am I supposed to say? I find the whole situation uber annoying. I mean if I say “no you are not fat” I get launched into a 45 minute analysis of what they’ve eaten in the past 24 hours followed by a 2 hour discussion of how their metabolism works and all the various fluxuations they have seen in their weight. Kill me now. I mean it.

That simple three letter word, “fat” is the most fatal word to conversations. I’ve found the only way to get out of listening to someone drone on about their newest diet is to simply say “I’m the fat one. Look at me, these pants barely fit.” Something like that shuts them up quickly, no one wants to talk about someone else’s diet. So a new topic is found.

The problem is, I really don’t think I’m fat. I don’t say that to rub it in to anyone who is fat. It’s a fact, I am not overweight. That’s not to say I have the perfect body, not even close. But I don’t need to bore you with the details of my imperfections. I’m comfortable with my body and that’s all that really matters.

I just hate that I have to lie to people. That I have to feign self-deprecation, and what’s worse is that it is so easily bought. People have no problem with others putting themselves down.

I can tell people I’m fat or that I just gained a dress size and it seems to be normal. If, however, I announced that I fit into a size 6 jeans without a problem and I feel really good about the 5 pounds I just lost, I get glares– murderous glares.

It’s really a shame. Can you imagine a society where we all had self-esteem? Where we could celebrate the small victories and not feel like in some weird way we were putting someone else down. I guess that world could exist, but a new trendy diet sweeping the nation every week and magazines highlighting the world’s obsession with weight, I don’t see it happening.

I guess for now I can just keep pretending that I am fat. That I hate the way I look. Because it is a lot easier than listening to hours of diet and exercise stories.

~~Lucy~~