wishing and hoping and praying

I stumbled upon this site today when I was doing some cleaning on my computer and I realized that I have not written on here in months. So I thought I’d post a little update on my life.

I survived the end of last semester and even managed to get decent grades. This was a little difficult though seeing as I met this incredible guy the last month of school. At first I was not interested in him, but he was pretty head over heels for me.  I don’t say that to brag, but it’s a fact. All of his friends knew he was crazy about me and it was with their encouragement that he asked me out.

For the first couple of weeks I played along because his friends were great and much more exciting than my catatonic-anti-sosh roomates. But then one crazy night I found myself on a couch talking with him. We talked for 8 hours. I found myself telling him things I’d never told anyone before,  and he opened up to me. It was one of those conversations that you never forget, but could never fully explain to anyone else. It was so private, so personal… By the time we were done talking (9:30 am) I’d found myself in his arms. A sweet kiss good morning and I was on my way back to my apartment on a cloud.

We spent the next week taking finals and spending each moment possible with eachother. We went on some of the most amazing dates and I fell hard for him.

Then we both moved home for the summer.

He lived an hour from me, but we made it work. We took turns seeing eachother and meeting in the middle. We talked constantly while we worked. It was an unforgettable summer, like the ones people write songs about. We fell deeper and deeper in love. I moved back up to school in August, but he got ready for another adventure.

He decided he wanted to serve a mission for our church. He’s in South Africa for 2 years. He can e-mail me once a week and he can write me letters, but that’s it. He does get to call home twice a year (Christmas and Mother’s day) but I’m not sure if his family wants me to be present for that yet.

Before he left we talked about ending things, but I couldn’t do it, and apparantly neither could he. So we didn’t end it. I send him a letter faithfully each week. A lot of people don’t understand why I do it. Why I choose to feel such pain and loneliness… but it’s love. I don’t think there is another choice. I want to marry this guy. He’s smart and he’s not threatened by my intelligence either. We can honestly talk about ANYTHING. This is a new experience for me, usually guys are too intimidated by my large vocabulary and my ability to win any argument.

So I go out on dates when guys ask me, which has been pretty often this semester. I’m open to the idea of loving other people, but so far no one has even tempted me. I don’t think there is room in my heart for another. 2 years is a long time though, this week will be 3 months since he left. I can’t promise I’ll feel this way for him in 21 months.

I asked him if he wanted to know if I dated and what was going on with me there, and he told me no. He asked me to let him know if I got engaged or something so he could try to forget me. If for anyother reason I decide to end it he asked me to simply send him a blank piece of paper. No explanation would be necessary.

I don’t on sending that blank piece of paper or a wedding announcement. I plan on being right here when he gets home.

 so this is love… it’s not easy, but I know it’s worth it.

~~Lucy~~