in like a lion

The past 2 months have been the worst of my life. I’ve lost friends, I’ve worked non-stop, and through all of this I’ve lost myself.

I came back to school at the beginning of January and the first weekend back everything in my life seemed to fall apart, and of course I had to work the entire weekend so I had no time to deal with anything. It’s just gotten worse from there. It’s been one thing after another and I feel like I haven’t had a break in months.

I’ve been running a marathon and the finish line is still not in sight.

I don’t write this to vent, or in search of sympathy or empathy. In fact I am sick of people checking up on me and telling me how they’ve felt the same, or how they feel sorry for me. I’m not some pity case. I know they mean well, but when I have 50 things to do in one day, 6 phone calls from concerned family and friends really slows me down and stresses me out.

The reason I am writing this is because I want to declare that I am turning over a new leaf. I’m letting go of the negative, of the drama, the former friends, the hurt, the pain, all of it. I can’t hold on to the past, look to the future and manage the present.

March has come like a lion. The weather decided to exhibit this today by snowing for me… But just like the snow will melt, the pain will fade. It’s time to hold onto spring, to let go of my winter. To find new friends, to make new promises, to finally be happy.

I lost myself in the drudgery of repetition. I used to be very spontaneous, but I haven’t had time for it. Tonight I refound part of myself by making some new friends. I was outgoing and social- the me who hasn’t wanted to come out for months. I’ve been quiet and dark, I’ve kept to myself. But just because I can’t trust some friends, doesn’t mean I have to give up on everyone.

My favoite band, The Format, recently broke up– a small part of my bad few months. I’ve been listening to their old albums the past few weeks. So I’m taking their lyrics as my new motto-

“It’s time to get out of the desert and into the sun, even if it’s alone”